momof5

It has been more than a year since my last post and unfortunately instead of meeting my goal, I have gaine 23 pounds.  I was part of a community weight loss group and we lost our leader a year ago.  Not having that weekly accountabilty and the motivation made it easier to let myself go.  I am now back at a weight that I said I would never be again.  Losing so much weight before and knowing that I have to do it all over again is very discouraging.

Thankfully we started a weight loss competition here at work and I have lost about ten pounds in the last month.  That still wasn’t enough motivation.  I got with one of the other memebers of our former community group and she and I have taken the initiative to restart the class ourselves.

Hopefully I can do this again.  Here we go!

Even after not following my diet or exercise plan all weekend, I still managed to lose weight.  I lost 2.6 pounds, which brings me to a total of 11 pounds in four weeks and I past my mini goal!  I was going to be happy if I would have maintained, so 2.6 was beyond my expectations.  It must have been the 2 days of doing the shred with Julian Michaels. 

The nice Valentine’s dinner that my husband and I had planned did not go exactly as planned.  We were going to try a new restaurant.  We waited for 15 minutes for a table, even though we did have reservations, but we were okay with that.  We then sat at our table for 25 minutes, without menus or even an acknowledgement from a waitress.  By then my husband’s patience had totally ran out and we left.  We then went to our “usual” restaurant that we go to for special occasions.  We spoke to the owner, who was able to squeeze us in without reservations, even though we had just tried to go to the competition.  We were waiting for our appitizers and I looked up and my old college roommate was their with her husband.  We had not seen eachother in seven years.  The last time we had spoke my oldest was only six months old.  She looked absolutely perfect.  She had three kids and the youngest was only eight months.  She was totally put together from head to toe.  Me on the other hand, I look like a mother of five.  :)  Thankfully this meeting didn’t occur a year ago when I was more than forty pounds heavier.  Putting that aside it was GREAT to see her and catch up.  Even though our plans didn’t work out, it just goes to show that everything happens for a reason.

Apparently I’m back on the right track again.  At my weigh in I lost 4 pounds.  Whoo Hoo!  I would have won for the most weight lost but another woman had lost five pounds for the week.  I was really happy for her though, she has been having such a hard time.  It was good incentive for her to keep going.  All together I have lost 8.4 pounds in the past few weeks.  I’m so excited about that and I love the number, but I don’t feel one ounce of difference in my clothes.  The only place that I can tell that I lost it from is in my boobs.  Realistically I doubt all 8 pounds came from my chest, but I don’t notice much of a difference in my pants or shirts.  When I have lost this much weight before clothes usually feel a lot looser, but not this time.On the bright side, I’m only 2 pounds away from my first mini goal!  I’m still doing fairly well with my diet and exercising daily.  My hub and I are going out for dinner Saturday night, with NO kids!!  I get to actually sit down and eat a hot meal.  I’m sure my diet will fly out the window that night, but as long I can refocus on Sunday it will be okay.  Wish me luck!

Tonight was my weigh in night and I debated and debated with myself whether or not to go.  I sabotaged myself over and over again this week.  I didn’t exercise and I ate whatever I wanted with the thought that I’d get back on track tomorrow.  It’s like if I told myself that, then it was okay to eat and be lazy.  I finally reasoned with myself.  What was the point of joining a community weight loss if I decide to not show when I have a bad week?  I wasn’t even sure if I even wanted to post my weight here.  I REALLY want support, but I need to be honest.  At my meetings and here.  After work I rushed to pick up my kids from daycare and rushed them home to their dad and then rushed to my meeting.  I went prepared though.  For every pound that we gain, we put $1 into a pot that at the end of the challenge goes to the person that loses the most inches.  I had a couple of dollars in my pocket, completely prepared to pay in tonight.  I got on the scale and amazingly it said that I LOST 0.2 pounds!  How could that be?  I ate everything that wasn’t nailed down and sat on my ass all week.  It didn’t make sense.  But what it did was hopefully wake me up.  I came so close to not going to a meeting where I spend an hour with people who are just like me.  I had a good time.  I came home and instead of having the spaghetti that the rest of my family had for dinner, I made a salad.  After the kids went to bed I exercised.  It’s a new week and I’m ready.

This has not been a good weekend.  I was doing so well and after having that 4 pound loss last week, I felt like I was back on the right track.  Friday came and my husband had the great idea of having pizza.  I was only going to have one slice, but pizza is my major downfall and I ended up having four.  We went out to eat Saturday and after having the artichoke dip and chicken Alfredo, I felt like I was going to explode.  Today I was going to get back on track.  Then I had way too much lasagna.  Once I fall off it is hell to get back going again.  Tomorrow is a new day and I know I can focus myself again.  Hopefully God will give me a hand, actually a shove to get my butt moving.

We had our first weigh in tonight for my community weight loss challenge.  I lost 4.2 pounds!  I usually lose quite a bit my first week, so I had set a goal of five pounds but I’m not disappointed one bit.  A loss is a loss.  4.2 is a lot to be proud of for my first week.  I stayed on track for the most part with my diet.  I only caught myself a couple of times picking off of the kids’ plates over the weekend.  I exercised every night after my children were in bed.  I did want to walk during my lunch hour, but this whole week I had to run errands.  Besides, I live in Montana and this past week has only had highs in the teens and twenties.  Who walks in that?!  I’ll probably be a wuss and wait until it’s at least 35-40 degrees.

***You are all wonderful.  I am so glad that I found this site.  Everyone that has commented on my blog and emailed has been so supportive!  I may not comment and blog everyday, but I do try to read a few posts everyday and you are all so inspirational.  Even if you are having a bad day or week, it reminds me that it happens to us all.   A BIG Thank You!!!

Last night when I was exercising my five year old daughter joined in.  She was trying to keep track with the video and I’ve got to hand it to her, she was doing some of the advanced moves.  After it was over, she lifted up her shirt, sucked in her tummy and said this is how skinny I want to be.  My jaw dropped.  I sat her down and told her how absolutely beautiful she was.  She is perfect in every way.  I explained to her that Mommy is exercising to be healthy not skinny.  How do we end this kind of cycle.  I do not want my daughter growing up and being self conscious just like I was.

Growing up my older brother and I fought constantly.  He always told me that I was fat.  By the time I was in middle school, I was convinced that he was right.  I was a size 7/9 in high school, but what I saw in the mirror didn’t reflect that.  My older brother is a wonderful person and we do have a great relationship now, we were just kids, but that is where my body image problems began.

How do we protect our daughters.  She is my only girl and I don’t want her to grow up thinking the way that I did.  Given the media ran society that we live in now how do we guarantee that our daughters can be proud of who they are?

I did it!  I have actually surprised myself.  For some reason I thought that I would have self sabotaged today, but I didn’t.  I ate right.  I passed up the vending machines and the fast food drive thru.  I drank water.  What surprised me most is that I actually exercised.  I did 50 minutes of cardio and weights and I know that I’m going to feel it tomorrow.  I love being sore!  It is a very small step in the right direction, but I did it.

I had my first meeting for my local community weight loss challenge and the scale read higher than I thought it would.  It said 194.2.  I am up 18 pounds from my lowest.  Granted it could have been worse.  I think that it was the same with everyone there tonight.  No one did very well over the holidays.  I officially go back to my healthy way tomorrow.  I know that after a couple of days of eating right and exercising that I will feel better and be a lot less tired.  Even with that thought in my head it will still be a huge struggle.  I have to stay away from the snacks at work.  As soon as I get the kids in bed I have to start exercising.  If not I will end up on the couch eating, but I will have totally rationalized it in my mind.  I will have myself completely convinced that it’s okay and I will do better tomorrow.  I’m determined not to do that this time.

Last year when I was so successful, I faithfully attended meetings, exercised daily and honestly filled out my food log.  Anytime that I went to snack I would tell myself that nothing tasted as good as skinny feels.  I’m pretty sure that I’m ready again.  I don’t want to fail anymore.

I’m back on my weight loss journey after about six months of slacking off.  I started losing weight in January of last year.  I joined a community weight loss group and over six months I had lost over fifty pounds.  At my heaviest I weighed 228 and I got down to 176.  I have gained approximately 15 pounds back.  My weight loss group starts back up this coming and week and I’m jumping back on the wagon with hopes of making my goal of 145 or a size 10 which ever I feel more comfortable at.

Here’s a little background about me.  I was thin until a started college and I than began to steadily gain weight.  I had my first son in 2001 and I have never lost all of the weight from that pregnancy.  I had my daughter in 2003 and another boy in 2005.  My husband and I were done having children and I started losing weight.  I had lost about thirty pounds when we found out that I was pregnant again.  Altough we figured that we could handle four it was a complete shock to learn that we were expecting twins.  I ballooned during this pregnancy gaining 100 pounds.  Although I can say that a LOT of the weight (approx 30 pounds) was due to swelling, it was still a huge number.  The twins, two faternal boys were born in February of 2007.  I went back to work in April of 2007.  I have an office job, and even though I had lost a lot weight after having the twins, I had gained 40 pounds by January of 2008 and I decided to seriously do something.

Having a husband, five kids with the oldest being 7, and a full time job, I don’t have much time to myself.  I plan to do what worked last year.  I’m cutting pop completely out of my diet, eating healthy foods and I’m going to stop snacking on junk.  As I did last year, I plan to exercise, usually DVDs after my children are in bed.  This is the only time that I have for myself on any day.  The first week is always the hardest, but once again I’m determined.  I believe that through the support of my weight loss group and what ever buddies I can make here that I will meet my goal.  Everyone needs a cheering section.  :)